times when im not online.

random time.
Damn girl. Don't be so drama!
that's what i should have said.
hahahahax. but by looking at it objectively,
it is quite understandable for a person to act like that in that kind of situation.
probably she just needs a friend. a shoulder. a listener.
but it went down the wrong way.
lol. or probably she suffers from depression.
ah, but it's all in the state of mind.

hm.
okasan said:
such a waste.
me & esh.
the two who didnt like dramas.
the two who just want a simple thing.
too bad now that she's straight.
i guess being a friend is better than nothing at all.
a shoulder to lie on is what people truly needs sometimes.

i am here when you need me, always.


another random time.
when i dislike,
i avoid, i dodge.
when i like,
i sit and wait patiently.
i expect things to come to me.
because they will gradually.
i feel trapped and aimless.
i dont like what im doing now.
i just want to sink to the bottom and dissapear.
i do not have the dicipline nor will.
i skip and ignore.
i run and play around.
what am i? just another wreck like my dad?
im like a mushroom, dependant on others to survive.
will someone pluck me up and eat me?
i do wish to wake up now.


28/4/2008 12.00pm
the weather is warm but im wearing a jacket. LOL.
and the skins around my fingernails are peeling.
i have no directions, i have no aim.
and im tired.
im 23 and still a burden to my family.

"be realistic" my aunt said.

ive been dreaming ever since i was a kid and now, snap out of it?
life is a wonderful dream and death is certai.
it's a cycle in which everyone have to go through.

sitting in a blue bus stop, listening to this korean girl rapper, my skin feels tight,
my mind numbed.
perhaps all i need is sleep.
that sounds like a solution. no?

i need to rest my mind, to awaken it.
to get back my will, my fighting spirit.
ive lost it, lost it all.
the older i get, the more unmotivated i become.
i used to think that nothing is impossible.
well, i still do but im not taking the initiative to go on anymore.
to just continue walking.
im tired. i feel sick.
tired of fate.
tired of life.
tired of uni.
tired of me.

get me out of here.
no wait.
it should be; I WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE!

just end it all.


29/4/2008 12.30pm
finally, im in class. and very early too!
hahahahahx. havent been studying nor wrote anything for ages!
oh well, it's gonna end real soon.
ive got to wrap it up.
i must!!
although i have no idea what's going on this week.
but, i'll catch up. ^^

saturday 3/5/2008 10.41am
life itself revolves in the mind.
like how im always late for almost everything.
its probably because im not that interested but i still have got to do it.
which is really bad.
i mean, i have really bad work ethics.
who would hire a person who's always late for meetings, events, office, etc.

see, i do realise.
i do know what's going on.
i know what's the problem.
what im lack of is the push.
for someone to come wake me up.
i know i shouldnt wait, i shouldnt depend.
and i should not make any more excuses.

ah, im tired. i need someone to hug close.
someone to stroke my hair.
just like how boss stroke fafa's head who's lying on her lap.