watashi baka desu..

ive done it.

ive fucking done it.

ive fucking ruin my already messed up life.

who was i to kid? i cant even handle myself and i thought i could bring happiness to jiali.... instead, all i brought to her was tears...

tears....

alot of tears....

and unhappiness...

and distance...

and longing...

and the ache of waiting...

im an idiot who always say the wrong words at the wrong time and does all the wrong things....

ARGHHH!!!!!!!

i cant stand myself.

how can i be so stupid? how can i be so fucking stupid???

baby, i know i have hurt you deeply...

the things ive said... the things ive done... makes me wonder if i have the right to ask you to hold on with me...

when i said i shouldnt have chased meant i should make you happy... not cry... that's the duty for every gf to make their gf happy....

but yeah, i make you cry so much... i wonder if im right for you...

im glad that im someone special to you... gave you a special feeling...

but you... you meant everything to me... you made my life brighter... makes me smile... makes me happy... you're my angel...

and yet... all i brought to you was sadness...

a mistake that cant be undone...

a mistake that i will regret for the rest of my life...

i dont think your ex is right because i CAN do better to her... i know i can...

maybe, like you said.... it'll be better for us after my studies...

i just want you to understand my love for you...

im sorry for being such an insensitive idiot...

i wonder if i dissapear, will i be able to take the pain together with me?

if i dissapear, will you search for me?

if i dissapear, my family dont need to waste any more $$ on me...

if i dissapear, i wont make you cry anymore...

if i dissapear, you still have your ex...

at this point of time, im hopeless. im lost.

all i wanna do is dissapear.... and everything will end.

so, goodbye and goodnight..

when my everything ends, including my breath;

that will be my official breakup with you.