i am reicheru.

sometimes, i say things without thinking first.
i meant no hurt. and yet, ive hurt you so many times.
ive said things without first considering how you feel.

Question: who am i to kid?
Answer: myself.

looking down at my last post. ive posted it with frustration, without hope, lost in my own grey skies....

but that's only a part of me...

i wont give up so easily on us.

because i believe if we dont try, we'll never know.

right now, it's only my imagination that's doing the work.

you said that you wont be around in december.
it doesnt matter, i can wait. i'll be at home, waiting for your call.
waiting for you to come back from wherever you're going.
there may not be enough time for us to spend together but i'll cherish the every second of it. and make the best of every quarter second of it.
i'll always be waiting for you.

you may feel that i am not caring enough.
that im not sensitive enough to provide you with the utmost attention.

but you must know that,
everytime you say timeout.
everytime you say breakup.
i felt like a piece of shit.
a hopeless good for nothing piece of shit.

but,

i managed to will myself to hold on everytime. to go on. to hang on.
and this time will be no different than the rest.
no matter how many times you want to say breakup to me, i will continue to work hard and hang in there.

because you're too precious for me to just let slip away.

i will do everything i can to make this relationship happen. there's so many things that we havent do. so many things that we havent try together.

i havent hold your hand long enough.
i havent said enough 'i love you' to you.
i havent become your personal driver yet.
i havent kiss you enough.
i havent give you enough.
we havent go on trips yet.
we havent take lots of pictures.
we havent make loads of happy memories.
we havent ride on the Eye On Malaysia.
we havent walk hand in hand on the beach.
we havent stare at the bright lights of KL, just the 2 of us.
we havent done so so so many things...

we havent. we havent. i havent. you havent.

so, i cannot dissapear. cuz there will be no light if i lose you too...

i finally realise that it's not the distance. it's me.
im the one who keeps repeating mistakes.
im the one who keeps making you cry.
im the one who is afraid of many things.
im the one who felt inferior compared to others.

i will brave it thru.

i just hope you can understand and hang on with me.

and...

it's official... Tzen, you're my qing di..
i used to feel threathened by your presence in Jiali's life...
but now, you are my utmost love enemy...

and i will not let myself lose to you...
because you walked away from her...
and i CAN DO BETTER THAN YOU...

i may be in Australia, but i will do my best.

Baby jiali... the decision is in your hands...

but i wont let go without giving a hard fight 1st...

REICHERU GANBATTE NEH!!!!