can't help but be silly.

12/7/2008

how blind am i not to realise that you are not meant for me. but this pain won't go away. i have no control on whom i fall for. i can only hope that she's making you smile and i'm keeping you safe. i do admire my ability to love. it's amazing. such a big capacity for it. lol.

13/7/2008

we went for lunch. i realise that it may be the less of many things. i may not be able to see you often now. D is back. most of your time will be spent on her. this is the beginning of self control all over again. but yesterday was nice. you hugged me and danced with me. you let me hug you close. it really felt that no one was around us. it was like we were in a world of our own. okay, im thinking too much. but who doesnt dream. hugging you close and let our body flow with the music was truly a magical moment to me. or maybe im just being horny. wahahaha. but NO, it may seem normal for alot of people but that was a significant moment where i got close enough to smell the perfume right off your skin. it may freak you out but i wished that time would just stop. and it did. preserved only in my mind. but you probably wouldnt remember it, because you were high! lol.

16/7/2008

a tear ran down my cheek when you said that you missed me. i dont know what got over me but i was so touched. i'm silly, i know rite. but i do miss our old selves. your new status is making me a little uncomfortable. it's not that i dont like D. i mean, she's fine and i have nothing against her. i probably just felt a little left out. too many hours on my hands. i guess the situation gets abit awkward when i try not to catch your affection towards her. truthfully, i didnt know seeing you and D being affectionate will affect me so much. i was practically trying to jump off to a few seats away. lol. during the movie, i was trying hard not to see you guys holding hands but i still can catch it from the corner of my eye, thus i figured that if i leaned foward, i wont be able to see you guys at all! guess what? it works!! haha.
i keep telling myself that i will get over you eventually. but you do know very well how hard it is to move on. perhaps i was just being very stubborn in this matter but my heart rules over my head at times. well, most of the time. LOL. i do hope things will get better soon. im getting tired of movie marathon-ing by myself. we said that we would watch DVD together till late nite once you get back. but that happened in like, 3 times? i know, i know. you have commitments now. sigh. and all of you have your own agendas. is it a trend to be in a complicated situation nowadays? lol. god, i dont know, really. but i do know that i miss you alot.