you flood me.

this feeling is so sick, so pathetic, so disturbing, so annoying, so dangerous.
this loneliness have taken hold of me.
but even if we got together, i don't know what to do with you.
i had tried to cheer up. i had given up. i had tried to forget.
but sometimes, everything rushes in again and im flooded by the images of you.
1 more day and she'll be back.
im afraid of losing you to her. since she already had you on the phone 24/7, due to your need of distraction.
sometimes i wish i could just grab you and hold you tight.
and the world will fall down around us. dissolving all the pain.
there's so much to see. so much to feel. so much to learn.
but im tired of waiting.
im tired of life.
im tired of myself.
perhaps it would be better if it all just end.
im so sick of this feeling. its tiring.
i want to be loved. i want to be wanted.
but all i do is crave for your attention.
which is completely useless and meaningless.
i feel like a freaking loser.
i do not understand why do i hate seeing you dancing with her.
i don't like her touching you. i just somehow pin point her down.
i should probably be flattered when she say i have a lot of clothes that she wants.
maybe she admire my style. but i hate it.
she likes my clothes. likes my chains. trying to imitate my dancing moves?
or just maybe, im being very sensitive.
im sorry that i feel this way but it's pretty obvious to me.
or probably im scrutinizing her because she likes you too.
and trying to get close to you.
the very first time i met her, she approached me because she wanted to know you. what the hell.
maybe im being such a bitch because im emo-ing.
probably i should change my style. hm, sounds like a good idea.
from butch to andro? hahaha.
i can see that coming. i mean, i cant wear mens/boys clothes all the time.
ah, dammit. as long as im comfortable. i don't wanna care.
and what am i to do with you. i don't know.
you're just in my head.

there's a way, there's a way, i know,
someday we will surely find it.