it was silly to think that i stand a chance against 8 years of friendship. i was the petty one. and the worse keeper ever because i was the one who suggested what to do and forgot totally about it. oh my god. i'm so ashamed at myself. i'm so childish. how can i mutter out such ignorance? i bet it'd never crossed your mind, not even a tiny hint of it. how did it get into mine tho? jeez. i was too proud. why would anyone put me ahead of you. you're a better friend than i am. well, at least you kept your lip pressed shut ever so tightly. unlike mine.
oh god. i still cannot believe that i was so ignorant. who am i really. to have such confidence. i believe LL never took a second look at me. and you wouldn't have said anything if i didn't look so interested. oh dear. the miscommunication was so deep. i was in my own world the whole time. and got really lost in it. and i felt like i have betrayed LC big time. friends don't tell on each other. oh my god. what have i done.
i felt your anger. and i'm so sorry. so so sorry.
i will be true to myself and to others. that is if i can get past myself. i cannot punish myself enough for this. what i have done is so wrong. i need to be a better friend. and work hard to regain your trust again. it's a long journey but i will get there. i hope.
E assured me that i still have the rest of the girls. yeah, i know. but it'd be awkward from now on. because i cannot face S. sigh. what do i do now? i can only sit and wait for forgiveness. and commit myself fully to my work so that i don't backfire and go against myself.
Melb. 090909. LL.
i did not see the disaster that came with it.
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